You probably know people whose relationship was almost like a fairy tale. The girl was the damsel in distress who was saved by her mighty prince charming. And just like in the fairy tales, they lived happily ever after. (But that was not the end of the story.)
Until someone had an affair.
When you hear that someone in a happy relationship had cheated, you instantly question the big why. #WHY did one cheat on the other?
And then you assume the worst.
Relationship therapist Ester Perel said, “It’s the desire that keeps you wanting what you can’t have.”
She said that cheating is all about desire: desire for attention, desire for validation, and the desire to feel special. It’s more on feeding what you lack on yourself instead of someone else filling the void for you. The third party is just your instrument for personal gain.
1 “It’s not you, it’s me”
If you have been cheated on, it’s only natural to question your worth, or what you lack in the first place. But, to make things clear, it is sometimes not your fault. Thus, the famous break-up line comes in: It’s not you, it’s me (or him, or her).
If your partner says, “Hahanapin ko muna ang sarili ko,” let them. They might be trying to rekindle with their past self which could be freedom, passion, hobbies, or something else entirely.
Again, it is not your fault. There will always be empty spaces in his/her life that you cannot fill in.
2 “Nawala na lang ‘yung spark”
Time was when you two could not last a day without seeing each other. You were inseparable. You were always in each other’s arms. Until one day, without even knowing why, you got bored with your partner because you already know the person too well. You became accustomed to how they think, to what their routines are, to how they speak.
And then you realized that the spark which used to lit up your face has died. The spark could no longer ignite your desire to spend time with your partner. And then you meet this stranger who makes you feel alive again. Thus, the cheating begins.
3 “Dapat give and take”
This one should be taken seriously. In a relationship, there’s someone labelled as an Alpha or Beta. According to www.alphamale.co., Alpha male/female likes to be in control on things and is always confident about themselves and the things they do.
On the other hand, Beta male/female will do exactly what they are told and they will expect a favor in return. They try to be way too nice and stay out of confrontations and conflicts in order to make sure that everyone continues liking them.
If you know you’re the Alpha in your relationship, your Beta partner might feel overpowered by you. Your dominance might make them feel unheard or neglected. That’s the time when your Beta partner might seek attention from others.
Therefore, the relationship must be a give-and-take process.